Top 25 Funny Despression Quotes and Jokes

by Mark Ling
(From: Space (Moon))

Funny and Real Depression Quotes

Warning: If you or someone close to you are suffering from depression, don't read this, rather seek professional help.

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not in fact, just surrounding yourself with assholes.

Depression is the result of having too much time to over think. The mind creates problems that don’t exist.

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present.

Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane.

I can sympathize with people's pains but not with their pleasures. There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness.

I like nonsense it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient for living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities.

Do you know why you're so sad all the time? You are counting your worries not your blessings! We all have worries and blessings but we are not all depressed.

Just saying 'No' prevents teenage pregnancy the way 'Have a nice day!' cures chronic depression.

Freud: If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother.

My wife says she's leaving me because of my addiction to antidepressants. So I thought about it and realized; that’s great, then I won’t need them anymore.

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes nine visits.

I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.

Depression brings people closer to the church, but so do funerals.

We are solely responsible for constructing our depression. It wasn't given to us. Therefore we can deconstruct it also.

In strange ways some people fall in love with the comfort of their depression.

I don't think anybody's continually happy, uh, except idiots. You know, you have to have little moments of depression.

If somebody dies, if something happens to you, there is a normal process of depression,
it is part of being human, some people view it as a learning experience and others as an illness.

The world is your oyster, unless you use the wrong fork.

I saw a book titled "Anxiety and Depression for Dummies" yesterday in the store... Not sure if it is appropriate to label someone looking for mental help a "dummy".

I’m a rope maker. I work for a depression hotline.

You know you're having a bad day when even the Rice Krispies give you silent treatment.

The worst part of a photographic memory?
Keeping all the negatives.

If you Google: “Depression jokes” you see pictures with arms cut up with blades and signs reading “Is your joke still funny?” Gosh can someone please give those people axes, but I suppose they’ll mess that up too.