The Funny Question is:
HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU ARE OLD OR AGEING?


Fun Stuff, Picture jokes, Old, Ageing, Age


You know you are Old or Ageing when:

  • You have less hair in more places than one.
  • You have owned a record player.
  • HIV didn't exist when you were young.
  • Cold drink bottles were made from glass when you were a kid.
  • You owned a black and white TV set with 1 channel.
  • You remember the days when you had to wait for someone to come home to talk to them - no cellular phones!
  • You remember when Jordache Jeans were cool.
  • You still think about Jaws when you swim.
  • You recognise the Dallas theme song... Tata Tata Tatararara tatarara tararaaa and know who shot J.R.
  • You know how to use a typewriter.
  • You are definitely old or ageing if you think 60's, 70's music were the best.
  • You know what milk coupons are.
  • You remember when you collected your milk at your frontdoor.
  • You think you still get 2 Chappies for 1 cent.
  • You complain the music is too loud and the TV not loud enough.
  • Your driving speed decrease and your complaints increase yearly.
  • You are totally amazed by the softness and firmness of younger skin.
  • You need a maintenace plan for all your maintenance problems.
  • Definitely old or ageing if you walk you creak and when you talk you squeak.
  • You get tired brushing your teeth.
  • You start yawning at 20:00 and wake up at 03:00.
  • You regret that time when you dumped the last 30-something year old that was interested in you.
  • You approach middle age for the second or third time.
  • Your get-up and go turned to got-up and gone.
  • For sure old or ageing if you can't remember when you were born because you were too young.
  • You enjoy watching the washer and dryer in action.
  • Your friends compliment you on your alligator shoes, but you're barefoot.
  • You visit your favorite Antiques Store and someone tries to buy you. That IS old or ageing!!
  • People don't ask what color your hair use to be, they ask if you ever had hair.
  • You have so many candles on your birthday cake that the guests collapse from heat exhaustion.
  • When you were a kid rainbows were black and white. That's just plain ancient!
  • You have so many candles on your birthday cake that it is a fire hazard.
  • You are getting a little action today - but that means the fiber is working.
  • You think "getting lucky" means finding your car in the parking lot. Very old or ageing, shouldn't be driving!
  • You think an "all-nighter" is not having to get up to wee.
  • You're very good at telling stories over and over and over and over.
  • If you were to act your age, you'd die.
  • You're wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just your left leg.
  • Everything either dries up or leaks.
  • Your best friend is dating someone half their age AND isn't breaking any laws.
  • You've owned clothes so long that they've gone back into style - TWICE.
  • You don't remember when you got that mole or the one next to it.
  • You can live without loving but not without your glasses.
  • You chase your husbands secretary around the table but you can't remember why.
  • Your toupee is turning grey.
  • Your birth-certificate expired.

  • Your skin feels more like your wife's soft leather handbag than skin.
  • Fourty-Five (45) sounds like an exciting age!

Never say...Die

Walt disney didn't die. He's in suspended animation

There are no conclusive evidence about what happens to Old or Ageing skeptics, but their futures are doubtful.

Old yachtsmen never die, they just keel over

Old x-ray techs never die, they just barium

Old wrestlers never die, they just lose their grip

Old wool coats never die, they just become mothballed

Old white water rafters never die, they just get disgorged

Old weathermen never die, they reign forever

Old watchmakers never die, they just wind down

Old watchmakers never die, they just run out of time

Old wants never die, they become needs

Old voicemail systems never die, they just stop answering

Old violinists never die, they just become unstrung

Old vintners never die, they just ferment away

Old vacationers never die, they just don't come back

Old usenetters never die, they just become unresponsive

Old undertakers never die, they just vault away

Old typists never die, they just lose their justification

Old or ageing tv soap stars never die, they become pathetic

Old tv shows never die, they just get rerun on nickelodeon

Old truck drivers never die, they just get a new Peterbilt

Old trombonists never die, they just slide away

Old trigonometry teachers never die, they just lose their identities

Old or ageing trash never dies, they just bury it

Old tire tubes never die, they just get punctured

Old thermodynamicists never die, they just achieve their state of maximum entropy

Old telephones never die, they just stop ringing

Old teachers never die, they just lose their class

Old tape dispensers never die, they just get used up

Old tanners never die, they just go into hiding.

Old system users never die, they just chdir to null

Old swimmers never die, they just kick-off

Old swimmers never die, they just have a stroke

Old swimmers never die, they just fall off their blocks

Old surfers never die, they just get wiped out

Old surfers never die, they just get board

Old or ageing students never die, they just get degraded.

Old steelmakers never die, they just lose their temper.

Old statisticians never die, they just get broken down by age and sex

Old spelunkers (cave explorers) never die, they just cave in

Old sourdoughs never die, they just ferment away

Old soldiers never die. Young ones do.

Old soccer players never die, they just lose their kick

Old soccer players never die, they just achieve their final goal

Old or ageing skiers never die, they just go over the hill

Old or ageing skiers never die, but they go downhill fast

Old skateboarders never die, they just lose their bearings

Old shoemakers never die, they just lose their sole

Old sheetrockers never die, they just hang around

Old sewage workers never die, they just waste away.

Old seers never die, they just lose their vision.

Old seamstresses never die, they just come to the point

Old sculptors never die, they just lose their marbles.

Old Scots never die, but they can be kilt

Old scientists never die, they just gravitate

Old schools never die, they just lose their principals.

Old sanders never die, they just lose their grit

Old salesmen never die, they just go out of commission

Old sailors never die, they just lose their porpoise

Old sailors never die, they just get a little dingy.

Old rain puddles never die, they just dry up

Old railroaders never die, they just derail

Old radios never die, they just stop receiving

Old radio operators never die, they just lose their power

Old quilters never die, they just go under cover

Old quilters never die, they just go to pieces

Old quarterbacks never die, they just pass away.

Old quarterbacks never die, they just fade back and pass away

Old psychiatrists never die, they just shrink away

Old propane tanks never die, they just run out of gas

Old programming wizards never die, they just recurse.

Old programmers never die, they just recurse

Old programmers never die, they just lose their memory

Old programmers never die, they just go to bits

Old programmers never die, they just get bugged with life

Old programmers never die, they just decompile

Old programmers never die, they just byte it

Old programmers never die, they just branch to a new address.

Old professors never die, they just lose their class.

Old procrastinators never die, they just keep putting it off

Old printers never die, they're just not the type.

Old preachers never die, they just ramble on, and on, and on, and on....

Old preachers never die, they just lose their wind.

Old postal carriers never die, they just lose their zip

Old politicians never die, they just lose their hot air

Old policemen never die, they just lose their beat

Old policemen never die, they just cop out.

Old plumbers never die, they just go down the drain

Old plumbers never die, that is why they smell that way

Old plastic never dies, they just recycle it

Old planets never die, they just lose their attraction

Old pilots never die, they just go to a higher plane.

Old pilots never die, they just buzz off

Old photographers never die, they just stop developing.

Old photographers never die, they get sent to the Old focus home

Old philosophers never die, they just kant

Old penguins never die, they just get hard of herring

Old pc's never die, they just cache in their chips

Old paradoxes never die, they just become enigmas

Old pacifists never die, they just go to peaces.

Old owls never die, they just don't give a hoot.

Old optomestrists never die, they just speculate

Old numerical analysts never die, they just get disarrayed.

Old number theorists never die, they just get past their prime.

Old nuclear power plants never die, they just go off-line

Old musicians never die, they just go from bar to bar

Old musicians never die, they just get played out.

Old musicians never die, they just decompose

Old ministers never die, they just go out to pastor

Old milkmaids never die, they just lose their whey.

Old meteors never die, they just burn up

Old mercenaries never die, they just go to hell to regroup

Old mercenaries never die, they find someone else to take their place

Old mediums never die, they are just visiting their friends

Old mechanics never die, they just misplace their tools

Old mechanics never die, they just lose their bearings

Old mathematicians never die, they just lose some functions

Old mathematicians never die, they just go off on a tangent

Old mathematicians never die, they just disintegrate.

Old math teachers never die, they just reduce to lowest terms

Old magicians never die, they just change color

Old magicians never die, they just make a big production of it

Old magicians never die, they just float away

Old magicians never die, they just disappear

Old linguists never die, they just rearrange their deep structures

Old limbo dancers never die, they just go under.

Old light bulbs never die, they just de-light

Old light bulbs never die, they just blink out

Old or ageing librarians never die, they just lose their references

Old librarians never die, they just get re-shelved

Old librarians never die, they just check out

Old librarians never die, their computers have fatal errors

Old lawyers never die, they just lose their briefs

Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.

Old laser physicists never die, they just become incoherent.

Old knights in chain mail never die, they just shuffle off their metal coils.

Old kleptomaniacs never die, they just steal away

Old kids never die, they just grow up

Old kids never die, they just adulterate

Old key punch operators never die, they just punch out

Old kayakers never die, they just roll back over, and do it again

Old or ageing journalists never die, they just get de-pressed.

Old jockeys never die, they just go horse

Old Italians never die, they just pasta away.

Old investors never die, they just roll over.

Old interpreters (for the deaf) never die, they just sign off

Old immortals [vampires, whatever] never die, they just...don't

Old hypochondriacs never die, they just lose their grippe.

Old or ageing hypochondriacs never die, they just imagine it

Old hunters never die, they just stay loaded

Old horticulturists never die, they just go to pot.

Old homebrewers never die, they just ferment away

Old hockey players never die, they just achieve their final goal

Old or ageing hippies never die, they just smell that way.

Old hikers never die, they just trail away

Old helsinki tourists never die, they just vanish into finn air

Old hardware engineers never die, they just cache in their chips.

Old hams never die, they just get grounded

Old hackers never die, they just go to bits.

Old gymnasts never die, they just take longer to mount

Old graphic artists never die, they just de-rez

Old grammarians never die, they fall into a comma

Old gossip or ageing columnists never die, they just lose their sense of rumor.

Old or ageing goodyear workers never die, they just retire.

Old or ageing golfers never die, they just lose their drive.

Old golfers never die, they just lose their balls

Old golfers never die, they just keep putting along

Old ghost towns never die, they become desolate

Old geologists never die, they just recrystalize

Old geologists never die, they just petrify

Old genealogists never die, they just degenerate

Old garagemen never die, they just retire.

Old or ageing fruit never die, it just pear-ishes

Old frogs never die, they just croak

Old fridge repairmen never die, they just blow their cool

Old foresters never die, they just pine away

Old football players never die, they just kick the bucket

Old football players never die, they just kick off

Old football players never die, they just go to the end zone

Old fishermen never die, they just smell that way

Old or ageing fishermen never die, they just get reel tired

Old fishermen never die, their rods just go limp

Old fireflies never die, they just find that they can't glow on

Old fighters never die, they just lose their punch

Old fathers never die, they just become grandfathers

Old farmers never die, they just spade away

Old farmers never die, they just go to seed.

Old exorcists never die, they just give up the ghost

Old eskimos never die, they just go cold

Old environmentalists never die, they are just recycled

Old english teachers never die, they just complete their sentences

Old engineers never die, they just lose their bearings

Old energizer bunnies never die, they go on, and on, and on...

Old electricians never die, they just lose their charge

Old electricians never die, they just lose contact.

Old electricians never die, they just do it until it hertz

Old electrical engineers never die, they just have slower rise times

Old editors never die, they just go out of print

Old drywallers never die, they just hang around

Old drivers never die, they just blow a gasket.

Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience.

Old divers never die, they just lose their spring

Old divers never die, they just get board

Old divers never die, they just flop

Old divers never die, they just extend their bottom time

Old dieters never die, they just waist away

Old dentists never die, they just lose their pull

Old dentists never die, they just look down in the mouth

Old deans never die, they just lose their faculties.

Old daredevils never die, they just get discouraged.

Old dancers never die, they just step away

Old cricketers never die, they just get smashed for six

Old cricketers never die, they just get bowled over

Old credit cards never die, they just expire

Old couriers never die, they just keep on expressing it

Old cooks never die, they just get deranged.

Old computer programmers never die, they just lose it bit by bit

Old computer programmers never die, they just decompile.

Old computer programmers never die, they just byte the dust

Old computer programmers never die, their computers have fatal errors

Old computer people never die, they just lose their memory

Old cleaning people never die, they just kick the bucket.

Old chiropractors never die, they adjust.

Old chemists never die, they just smell that way

Old chemists never die, they just reach equilibrium

Old chemists never die, they just lose their refluxes

Old chemists never die, they just fail to react.

Old chemists never die, they just do it inorganically

Old chauffeurs never die, they just lose their drive.

Old cashiers never die, they just check out.

Old cars never die, they just get run into the ground

Old card players never die, they just lose their tricks

Old canners never die, they are preserved

Old butchers never die, they just meat somewhere else

Old businesses never die, they just get consolidated

Old burglars never die, they just steal away

Old bureaucrats never die, they just waste away

Old budgets never die, they are fillibustered

Old bridge players never die, they just sit around on their fat aces

Old bridge players never die, they just lose their finesse

Old brickmasons never die, they just get mortarfied.

Old bricklayers never die, they're just too busy making a kiln

Old bricklayers never die, they just throw in the trowel.

Old brakes never die, they just grind down

Old bowlers never die, they just end up in the gutter

Old bosses never die, much as you want them to.

Old books never die, they just go out-of-print

Old bookkeepers never die, they just lose their figures.

Old bond investors never die, they just yield to maturity

Old or ageing blondes never fade, they just dye away

Old or ageing blondes never die, they just blank out

Old biologists never die, they just ferment away

Old or ageing bikers never die, but they're hard on tires

Old beekeepers never die, they just buzz off.

Old basketball players never die, they just go on dribbling.

Old baseball players never die, they just run their last lap

Old baseball players never die, they just go batty

Old barbers never die, they just become Old cut-ups.

Old bankers never die, they just want to be a loan

Old bankers never die, they just lose interest.

Old bakers never die, they just lose their dough

Old atoms never die, they just decay

Old astronauts never die, they just go to another world

Old assets never die, they just depreciate

Old architects never die, they just lose their structures.

Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver.

Old anthropologists never die, they just become history

Old anesthesiologists never die, they just run out of gas

Old alcoholics/drug addicts never die, they just get wasted

Old actors never die, they just drop a part

Old accounts never die, they are deleted

Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance

Old academics never die, they just lose their faculties

I'm sure anyone can add to this, we'll all get there...die, old or ageing ... or know someone who has!


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