Funny ONE-liners!

Clean Jokes are New Generation Jokes ...
Quick and snappy, WITH-IT and to the point FASTER than you can think!
The other thing about clean, short, funny jokes:
You can use them anywhere with confidence!

HERE WE GO... clap, clap, clap!

Clean jokes, funny one-liners, funny jokes

"You know Helen, my husband says he knows where woman are made..."
"Do you think he meant we look Italian?"

  1. Rembrandt painted 700 pictures in his life time and Americans have all 7000 of them.
  2. I just flew in from New York. Shame, your arms must be tired.
  3. They say the baby looks like me. They turned him upside down.
  4. We feed our baby onions so we can find him in the dark at night.
  5. I was a premature baby. My father wasn't expecting me.
  6. Our baby was so big when he was born, the doctor was afraid to slap him.
  7. Our baby swallowed a pin. Luckily it was a safety pin!
  8. Were there any great men born in this town? No only little babies.
  9. Is your husband helping you with the baby? Sure, he takes naps for the baby.
  10. Is the baby a boy or a girl? Of course, what else could it be!
  11. My bank sent me a letter saying it's the last time they will spend 50 cents to tell me I have 2 cents in my account.
  12. I would go through many things for you. Let's start with your bank account!
  13. "The bank has returned your check." "Great. What can we buy with it this time?"
  14. At her age the only way she'll get 9 men to run after her is to play baseball!
  15. Do you serve woman at this bar? No sir, you must bring your own.
  16. I wanted to give you something you need but I didn't know how to wrap up a bath tub.
  17. My doctor said I must bathe in milk but I couldn't get into the bottle. CLEAN JOKES FAVORITE!
  18. Drink a glass of milk after a hot bath. No doctor, I don't think I'll have space left.
  19. Do you call that a bathing suite? It looks like they haven't delivered it yet!
  20. "I've just come from the beauty salon." He: "Too bad they were closed.
  21. My wife found a Hair Salon with a recovery room and family counseling.
  22. My wife does bird imitations. She always watches me like hawk.
  23. He never forgets his wife's birthday. It's the day the ambulance usually picks him up from work.
  24. I was born on the 1st of the month, so they called me Bill!
  25. "When is it your birthday, I would like to get you a present!" "You are way too late. I was born many years ago."
  26. He stayed up all night studying for his blood test.
  27. He thought he was clever because his blood test results said A+.
  28. She waited so long for her ship to come in her pier collapsed.
  29. Heard about the little tug boat that committed suicide when he discovered that his mom was a tramp and his father was a ferry.
  30. "Quick operator send an S.O.S!" "How do you spell that?"
  31. I can't give him a book as a gift. He may already have one.
  32. I read her like a book, but I keep forgetting my place.
  33. Some of today's movies are so long, it takes less time to read the book.
  34. It took me a whole year to write a book. Stupid, you can buy one for $5." CLEAN JOKES FAVORITE!
  35. Are you an avid reader? No I've never read avid.
  36. So is your husband a bookworm too? No just an ordinary one.
  37. Have you ever read a book by Shakespeare? No only by candlelight.
  38. How did you like my book? It was good but a bit too long in the middle."
  39. Boxer: "Have I done him any damage?" "No, but keep on swinging the draft might give him a cold."
  40. If looks could kill a lot of people would die with bridge cards in their hands!
  41. It's amazing what fine poker hands I get when I play bridge.
  42. She's been married so many times that wedding bells sound like an alarm clock to her.
  43. I heard you and Nita aren't dating any more? Yes she began to have bride ideas.
  44. She walked to the altar so many times, they're trying to make her pay for the carpet.
  45. The boss said if my work doesn't improve he'll fire me. He can't because I don't do anything!
  46. I'm not late boss, I just took my coffee break before coming in.
  47. "Yes, Boss, I'm now saving my coffee breaks. When I have enough together I'm taking Friday off."

    Clean jokes are so much fun! Short Clean Jokes are even better!


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