First thing you do, check if you boyfriends family tree is a cactus, if it is you will know everybody on it is a prick.
Why pay money to have your family tree traced, go into politics and your opponents will do it for you.
How many people tell their children on the first day of school: "Don't talk out of our house, as far as anyone one is concerned, we are a nice normal family."
A man's home is his castle, until the queen arrives.
Good moms let you lick the cake mixture beaters, great moms turn them off first.
Let's have a family reunion for the remainder of the family that still speak to each other.
Marriage is like a workshop, husband works and wife shops.
Be careful what you say to me, my grandma's crazy and i'm not afraid to tell on you.
Mom's mood-o-meter: Wonderful, Good, So-so, Ask Dad!
In our home nobody freaks out when the bath runs over but everyone freaks out when the corkscrew is gone.
Why does my little brother never draw my dad as a FAT stickman?
Marriage is a relationship where one is always right and the other one is the husband.
Life is easy, it's my freakin family that makes it difficult.
Woman and cats will do as they please, men and dogs better get used to it.
Crazy runs in our family, it's the only thing that never needs fuel.
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