My Top 10 Finest Insults and Comebacks.... I wish I never uttered

by The Fun Team

Sometimes people push you so far that the road less traveled is done 200 m/h through your mouth with some human holding on for dear life.

I am NOT proud of this right. Maybe just a little. I am quiet sharp under pressure when thrown with a roast!

Oh, and please comment if you make it to the end and tell me what your best “fit thrower comebacks” are.

Leave now if you are sensitive or are under aged and without parental guidance.

Here goes, my best insults and comebacks, I will never use again:

• Let’s play horse, I’ll be the front end and you be yourself.

• You are as useful as the wings on a motorbike.

• My therapist knows about you.

• Oh the places you will go in life! Hope you stay there.

• Our kid got his brain from you! I still have mine.

• I am busy right now; can I try to ignore you another time?

• I do not understand you. I do not speak assholion.

• Better grab my dumbrella and run it is getting stupid out here.

• You sound better with your mouth closed.

• Keep rolling your eyes like that, maybe you will find your brain back there.

And a few more…

• Your kid is so annoying he can make a Happy Meal angry.

• Your face looks fine, but we will have to put a bag over that personality.

• You are the human version of a period cramp.

• Love your hair. How do you get it to come out of your nostrils curly like that?

• My silence means your level of stupidity renders me speechless.

• You have your entire life to be a jerk. Why not take today off?

• You are the reason this country puts instructions on shampoo.

• Your family tree must be a cactus because you are all a bunch of pricks.

• You remind me of a penny, two-faced and not worth much.

• Those penis enlargement pills must be working — you are twice the dick you were yesterday.

• Your secrets are always safe with me. I do not even listen when you start.

• I am so jealous of all the people that have NOT met you.

• You are so fake, even China will deny they made you.

• Since you know it all, you should know when to shut up.

• You look like a ‘before’ picture.

• Eat make-up, try to be pretty on the inside.

• So, a lot of guys are after you? Keep in mind low prices attract a lot of customers.

• You talk so much shit I do not know if I should offer a breath mint or toilet paper.

• Can you spot the “f y” in my smile?

• Your teeth could be whiter.

• I am not a proctologist, but I know an a-hole when I see one.

• I have been called worse things by better men.

• Almost done with all this drama? I need an intermission!

• Oh, I am sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

• I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain it to you.

• Boss asked, ‘Can I ask a stupid question?’ My reply? ‘Better than anybody here.’

• If men agree with you, you said something stupid.

• If you ran like your mouth does, you would be in seriously good shape. (me to me, grin)

Right there you have it, remember snarky remarks and insults are (almost) never a good idea! Unless it is a game played between friends or unless you want to lose the person’s respect. Most times an insult say more about you than about the receiver, especially if you try to publicly humiliate someone (politicians take note).

Most times it will be better to not respond to fiery remarks, it is not a sign of weakness, it makes the attacker look stupid. Yes, I know, sometimes you just cannot keep that beautiful mouth shut any longer when someone constantly rides your nerves as if the surf is up!!

Stay SHARP! 😊

Comments for My Top 10 Finest Insults and Comebacks.... I wish I never uttered

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100 Best snarky remarks, insults and comebacks.
by: Gizelle

1. You look like a ‘before’ picture.

2. You’re a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.

3. If I gave you a penny for your thoughts, I'd get change right..

4. More disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.

5. Light travels faster than sound, which is why you seem bright until you speak.

6. If I said anything to offend you it was purely intentional...

7. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

8. You’re about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.

9. Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you tell.

10. You need a kiss on the neck from a crocodile.

11. You look like something I'd draw with my left hand...

12. I take you everywhere I go so I don’t have to kiss you goodbye.

13. Hold still. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.

14. Jealousy is a disease. Get well soon.

15. Your face makes onions cry.

16. The only way my husband would ever get hurt during an activity is if the TV exploded.

17. Earth is full. Go home.

18. It is impossible to underestimate you.

19. He thinks he's a siren, but he looks more like a false alarm.

20. I’m not insulting you; I’m describing you.

21. I’m a nerd? You mean smarter than you.

22. Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That is your parents’ job.

23. You started at the bottom and it's been downhill ever since.

24. You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.

25. I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.

26. Don’t worry about me. Worry about your false eyebrows.

27. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

28. If you’re going to be two-faced, at least put some make-up on one of them to look better.

29. I get emotional when you are not around. That emotion is called happiness.

30. I’d rather treat my baby’s diaper rash than have lunch with you.

31. Don’t worry — the first 45 years of childhood are always the hardest.

32. I love to shop, but I will never buy your bull.

33. If you have something to say, raise your hand and place it over your mouth.

34. Oh my gosh! IT SPEAKS!

35. Whoever told you to just be yourself, could have given you better advice.

36. You must be the arithmetic man - you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.

37. Your ass must be jealous of the amount of shit that comes out of your mouth.

38. Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all stupid people.

39. He is dark and handsome. When it is dark, he's handsome.

40. It is hard to get the big picture when you have such a small screen.

41. Don’t get bitter, get better.

42. I believed in evolution until I met you.

43. You just might be why the middle finger was invented.

44. If you can't laugh at yourself, I'd be glad to do so for you.

45. Take my lowest priority and put yourself beneath it.

46. You have miles to go before you reach mediocre.

47. When you look in the mirror, say hi to the clown you see in there for me, would you?

48. Bye, hope to see you never.

49. Complete this sentence for me: "I never want to see you ____!"

50. Your only purpose in life is to become an organ donor.

51. I was today years old when I realized I didn’t like you.

52. You're a person of rare intelligence. It is rare when you show any.

53. Wish I had a flip phone so I could slam it shut on this conversation.

54. Don't let your mind wander... it's far too tiny to wander on its own.

55. Wow, your maker really didn’t waste time giving you a personality, hey?

56. You’re cute. Like my dog. He also always chases his tail for entertainment.

57. Someday you’ll go far… and I really hope you stay there.

58. Oh, I’m sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

59. You bring everyone so much joy! You know... when you leave the room.

60. Oops, my bad. I could’ve sworn I was dealing with an adult.

61. Did I invite you to the barbecue? Then why are you all up in my grill?

62. I’m an acquired taste. If you don’t like me, acquire some taste.

63. Somewhere out there is a tree tirelessly producing oxygen for you. You owe it an apology.

64. You smell like hot dog water.

65. Even Stephen King has nightmares about you.

66. That sounds like a "you" problem.

67. Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

68. Oh, you don’t like being treated the way you treat me? That must suck.

69. I’ve been called worse by better.

70. Well, the jerk store called. They’re running out of you's.

71. I'd give you a nasty look but you've already got one.

72. Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons?

73. I’m busy right now; can I ignore you another time?

74. The people who tolerate you on a daily basis are the real heroes.

75. You have your entire life to be an idiot. Why not take a day off?

76. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’m guessing it is hard to pronounce

77. Some people are like Slinkies — not really good for much, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.

78. You’re the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo.

79. Of course I’m talking like an idiot… how else could you understand me?

80. Are you almost done with all of this drama? Because I need an intermission.

81. It is hilarious watching you try to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence.

82. If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I’d fart.

83. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

84. Your family tree must be a cactus because everybody on it is a prick.

85. Wow you must be a unicorn, I bet you even fart glitter!

86. I guess if you spoke your mind, you’d be speechless.

87. Since you know it all, you should know when to shut up.

88. Life is full of disappointments, and I just added you to the list.

89. I treasure the time I don’t spend with you.

90. I was going to make a joke about your life, but I see life beat me to the punch.

91. The last time I saw something like you… I flushed.

92. The only work-life balance I want is being away from you.

93. When you start talking, I stop listening.

94. Feed your own ego. I’m busy.

95. You look like something that came out of a slow cooker.

96. If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.

97. Do your parents realize they’re living proof that two wrongs don’t make a right?

98. I’m jealous of people that don’t know you!

99. If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents.

100. You are like the end pieces of a loaf of bread. Everyone touches you, but nobody wants you.

Soooo Funny
by: Siva

This is so funny. I love the "let's play horse". I know it is not cool to insult people but hey sometimes someone must save the rest of society from certain types of people.

Here are some other funny ones:

I don't meet the height requirement to ride your emotional roller coaster.

Why don't you slip into something a little more comfortable... like a coma.

Staying sharp!

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