Retirement Quips
Quotes, Sayings & Gifts
Wisdom and Humor About Retiring

Inspirational retirement quips, quotes, sayings and humor that will encourage any retiree to embrace the moment they have worked for their entire life, when they can finally do as they please, whenever they please to do so. Sounds magical, doesn't it?

Retirement Sayings

Retirement Quips

  • One wife about retirement: "Twice as much husband for half the income."
  • Retirement is wonderful if you have much to live for and much to live on.
  • When a man retires and time is no longer of importance, his colleagues go and present him with a watch.
  • Retirement is when you step aside for a less experienced and less able man.
  • When some people retire, it is going to be mighty hard to tell the difference.
  • Mandatory retirement is another form of compulsory poverty.
  • Retirement has cured many a businessman's ulcer - and given his wife one.
  • Retirement is not for wimps.
  • Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money.
  • I'm retiring, I'm not dying.
  • When you see some people work, you wonder what they will do when they retire.
  • It gets to you when every day is Saturday.
  • Retirement happens when you overachieve in the area of experience.

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    Retirement Quips & Quotes

  • Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left. ~ George Burns
  • Retirement at 65 is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five, I still had pimples. ~ George Burns
  • When I retire, my evenings will be spent by the fireplace going through those boxes. There are things in there that ought to be burned. ~ Richard Nixon
  • I've worked smart all my life, not hard, retirement will be a breeze. ~ Ernie Zelensky
  • Retirement means doing what ever I want to do. It means I have a choice. ~ Dianne Nahirny
  • The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender. ~ Vince Lombardi
  • Yes, I am thoroughly enjoying retirement! The best part is watching my neighbor drive off to work in the morning, knowing that his day will be filled with jerks, brainless and endless meetings and more jerks. ~ Bill Calmer
  • Most people perform essentially meaningless work. When they retire, that truth is borne upon them. ~ Brendan Francis
  • It is nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese. ~ Gene Perret
  • I think retirement beats the heck out of 'life after death'. ~ Martina Navratilova
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    Retirement Quips & Words of Wisdom

  • Retirement can be a great joy if you can figure out how to spend time without spending money.
  • Before deciding to retire from your job, stay at home for a week and watch daytime television.
  • The key to a happy retirement is to have enough money to live on, but not enough to worry about.
  • One of the problems about retirement is that it gives you more time to read about the problems of retirement.
  • Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
  • I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it is time for my nap.
  • When you retire, you must be active and social, don't sit around the house or become a couch potato or pumpkin or any kind of vegetable.
  • As in all successful ventures, the foundation of a good retirement is planning.
  • I retired early for health reasons - my company was sick of me, and I was sick of them.
  • The biggest trouble with retiring is you end up having NOTHING to do, and you can't tell when you are done.
  • Retirement is that point in life when you can't remember all the things you intended to do when you were still working.
  • Enjoy every retirement day as if it was your last day; one day you will be right about it.
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    Retirement Quips & Humor

  • Retirement is when your wife realizes she never gave your secretary enough sympathy.
  • We have reached the point where too many people want to retire before they go to work.
  • A male retiree says he's been playing golf occasionally - only on the days ending with 'y'.
  • The worst thing about retirement is having to drink coffee on your own time.
  • A recent retiree says he is tired of retirement: "I wake up in the morning with nothing to do, and by bedtime I only have it half done."
  • A father said his teenage son took an aptitude test and was found to be well-suited for retirement.
  • I have never liked working. To me, a job is an invasion of privacy.
  • Retired is being tired, twice. First tired of working, then tired of not.
  • The only problem with retirement is, you never get a day off.
  • The other bad thing about retirement is, you can't call in sick.
  • You are ready for retirement when half the things in your shopping cart says: "For fast relief."
  • Retirement is a night owl's dream, you finally don't have to do mornings.
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    Retirement Gifts

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    Retirement Gifts

    A Selection of Funny Gifts & Senior Pranks

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    Retired Bumper Stickers

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