Funny Quips
Wickedly Witty
Wording & Remarks

So what is a Quip? It is a witty or funny saying or remark.
So what are Funny Quips? For some a reason to laugh for others advice!

Looking for laughs, a little humor, great opening lines, speaking material or just fun for family or friends to laugh about? Funny Quips provide hours of entertainment!
Have a speech coming up? Nothing makes a bold statement or leaves a lasting impression like a good quip or some fun sayings!

Fun Stuff we do: On cold winter nights when no one feels like leaving home we gather around the fireplace with our favorite drinks, snacks and cuddle blankies and then we share a lot of laughs with funny quips and quotes!

Below are some of our favorite funny quips!


  • Ability - Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.
  • Ability (Executive) - The art of getting credit for all the hard work that somebody else does
  • Accidents - Most accidents occur in the home. Many men use this as an excuse to stay out late.
  • Accident (Golf) - Man blames most accidents on fate but feels a more personal responsibility when he makes a hole-in-one on golf course.
  • Achievement - You can't make a place for yourself under the sun if you keep sitting in the shade of the family tree.
  • Achievement - Do something. Either lead, follow or get out of the way!
  • Achievement - A mistake is proof that someone was at least trying to accomplish something.
  • Action - Actions speak louder than words, with fewer lies and not so often!
  • Action - The thing to try when all else fails is Again.
  • Action - A man ordinarily has the time to do all the things he really wants to do.
  • Action - Too many of us shoot blanks when aiming at our goals!
  • Adolescence - When children start bringing up their parents.
  • Adolescence - A time of rapid change. Between the age of 12 and 17 a child may see his parents age 20 years!
  • Adversity - The only diet that will reduce a fat head.
  • Advertising - If you listen to loan company commercials, you almost believe you can borrow yourself out of debt!
  • Advice - Too many people give advice when what you really need is help.
  • Advice - "Be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give to some people.
  • Advice - Most of us find it impossible to take advice from people who need it more than we do!
  • Advice - Giving advice to the poor is as close to charity as some people get!
  • Advice - Marriage is the most expensive way to get advice for nothing.
  • Advice (Free) - The best things in life are free and so is the worst advice!
  • Age - A man is usually as young as he feels but selfdom as important.
  • Age - By the time a man finds greener pastures, he's too old to climb the fence!
  • Age - Has nothing to do with learning new ways to be stupid!
  • Agreement - The man who always agrees with you lies to others also.
  • Agreement - When two men in business always agree about everything, one of them is unnecessary!
  • Agreement - Divorce is something couples agree on when they can't agree on anything else.
  • Alarm clocks - The trouble with alarm clock's are that they always make a noise when you are asleep! (My personal favorite of all the funny quips!)
  • Alarm Clocks - The latest alarm clocks for teens does not ring - it applauds!
  • Alcoholics - Their favorite drink is the next one!
  • Alcoholics - Are not people who drink too much but ones that can't drink enough!
  • Ambition - Don't wait for your ship to come in if you haven't sent one out.
  • Ambition - The rewards for ambition in most countries are High Taxes!
  • Anger - People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.
  • Anger - The size of a man is measured by the size of the thing that makes him angry (oh kids love this one - "you are tiny dad!")
  • Anger - Every time you give someone a piece of your mind you make your head a little emptier!
  • Animals - If you like to see something with a mouth open that's not complaining - get a goldfish! (Or a Funny Quips Book!)
  • Animals - Give someone the gift that keeps on giving - a Rabbit.
  • Animals - If you cross a carrier pigeon with a woodpecker you get a bird that carries messages and knocks on doors!
  • Antiques - Things would be a lot nicer if antique people were valued as much as antique furniture!
  • Antique - A magic word that makes something old and useless suddenly priceless.
  • Appearance - Some girls are so homely they can sue their parents for damages!
  • Appearance - A few Christians give the impression they have been baptized in vinegar.
  • Appearance - The secret to looking young is being young!
  • Appreciation - You must speak up to be heard but sometimes you must shut up to be appreciated.
  • Appreciation - A single rose for the living is better than a costly wreath at the grave!
  • Appreciation - If you want to really appreciate what an enormous job it is to clean up the environment, start cleaning out your garage!
  • Appreciation - Some wives appreciate their husbands most while they are away at work!
  • Arguments - Sometimes when you are arguing with a fool, he's doing the same thing!
  • Arguments - People who know the least always argues the most.
  • Arguments - One thing a man learns from an argument with a woman is to be a good loser.
  • Arguments - You know you are incompatible with someone when you can't even agree on what to argue about!
  • Atheist - The worst possible moment for an atheist is when he feels grateful and has no one to thank.
  • Atheist - What do atheists do with their money? Surely they don't carry anything around that says, "In God we Trust"!
  • Attention - Pay attention to what a man is, not what he has been.
  • Attention - To get your kids attention, stand in front of the TV.
  • Attention - When a child pays attention to what his parents say, they are probably whispering!
  • Attention - The quickest way to get a lot of individual attention is to make a big mistake.
  • Authority - Give authority to some people and they grow; give it to others and they swell.
  • Authority - The time to teach obedience to authority is in the playpen instead of the State pen!
  • Autobiography - An autobiography is a book that reveals nothing bad about its writer except his memory.
  • Automobiles - Car sickness is that feeling you get every month when the payment is due.
  • Automobiles - The most dangerous thing about a vehicle is one nut - the one behind the steering wheel!

  • These Funny Quips are from one of my favorite books:
    Read about it here: 14 000 Quips and Quotes by E.C. McKenzie

Do you like Quips and Quotes?

Which quips or quotes books are your favourites?
Write a review about your favourite quips or quotes book or share some of the wickedly witty words of wisdom that you live by! It can be from a book (always mention the book and the author) or it can be your own. The best quips and quotes come from... yes you've guessed it... "My grandmother always use to say!" Who is that special person who's words you remember? What did they say?

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Coming soon...

Funny Quips Chapter 3

Funny Quotes

Other Fun Sayings

The 3 Golden Rules



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Funny Quips Chapter 2
Retirement Quips
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